Sadness is hard for me, personally. I have written four posts and deleted them. It has taken me days to figure this out and prayers for what God wants me to say about this. Sometimes, it feels like He takes awhile. Or that our request got lost. Or that He must have forgotten about us and how we were really wanting a certain outcome and/or answer. We hear people that tell us to “wait for God’s timing,” but I always wondered what that meant. Was it just a placeholder? A way to describe why seemingly nothing had happened to further the cause along in this realm? One of these questions that haunted me for years was Why? Why him, Lord? He was an amazing person and so young? Lord, we love him and I didn’t get to say goodbye. I had never known sadness, really known sadness, until someone I loved dearly was gone too soon at the age of 23. It was agony and I wasn’t even his parents. Now that I am a parent, my stomach and heart turn with horror when something unthinkable happens and lives are lost. It is a perspective changer and your life becomes divided into chapters. Before and after.
Before the accident you couldn’t prevent. After she left with your kids. Before the miscarriage. After the foreclosure you couldn’t stop. After the abortion he made you have. After you indulged in the addiction. Again. So many things can cause us sadness. Regret is one of her best friends. She is often accompanied by Fear, Distress, Anguish, and Heartache. Sometimes, there is no getting around it, anymore. Despair visits, and we open the door.
I spent too long being angry. I didn’t want to be sad because I hated being sad. I associated sadness with weak and self pity parties (which I am REALLY good at throwing!). I didn’t know much about grief or cycles and I didn’t want to. I was not much fun to be around and I believed every one of Satan’s lies he threw my way. But God was there. I didn’t think He was. I was sure He wasn’t. But then, I slowly began to realize something. We are made in His image. He knows grief like I never will because not only did His Son die, He sent Him with that very purpose. So, imagine Him being born, and how joyous that occasion is! Now think about it knowing the countdown you started has begun. First steps. Steps to Calvary. First words. Last words. And think about Mary, the mother of Jesus. What a roller coaster her life must have been! Yet, she responded quickly, “Yes, Lord.” She only knew the plan to bring Him into the world. How many times did He escape death? And she had to watch these people crucify her son.
There is another side to sadness, too. A side that gives you the ability to connect with people and give them comfort. If you choose to connect with God and lean on Him because He knows every emotion we feel, you will come out different. You respect life and people and memories differently. You hold people closer and make sure you tell them you love them more frequently. You discover depth of character that God is developing in and through you. You never, ever forget the people who are gone. But you realize, the world keeps evolving and changing around you. But it looks different. Sometimes you can make the deepest relationships because of the worst times you have known. Because it refined your soul. We are clay, remember? If nothing (good or bad) happens to clay, it is a lump of potential. We are masterpieces and they take time. Fire. A Master Potter with a plan. The after.
Oh, and back to Mary. Remember her after? She got to see her Son again, just like He said. She got to experience God’s plan for her life because she said yes to the pain of rejection an unwed pregnant mother would bear. She said yes to raising our Savior!!! Can you say no pressure… She knew that her God was bigger than the pain. And He can be our God, too. Same God. Pretty cool, Sadness, pretty cool.