I sat in a bonus session last weekend at the She Speaks conference, where we were told that we would be annointed with oil and our calling would be prayed over. I felt my anxiety rising up slowly within me. Strange thoughts began to fill my head like, “What if you find out once and for all that you are a fraud?” “What if that oil sizzles on your forehead?” (For reals. I was like, really?) “What if your faith was just a way you invented to cope with your truest desires?”
Do you ever get these crazy, accusing thoughts in your own mind? The enemy LOVES to keep me wrapped up in my insecurity blanket. I am slowly learning how to take back my mind, one thought at a time. The enemy LOVES to wrap me up in my insecurity blanket.
I used to think I was my own worst enemy. Turns out, I was only a tool for my worst enemy. But I learned that I could determine the outcome based on my choice to hold captive, resist the devil through quoting God’s Word as truth, focusing my thoughts on what is highest and most honorable; and praise God for His answered promises. Prayer and praise. A potent plan.
Before you write off the nagging voice in your head, check its source. If it is truly you, train your editing voice to implement God’s instructions to us concerning our thought lives. It also could be that you are holding a microphone up to the enemy and letting him use your own self doubt against you. Don’t let him do that, friends! Trust me, it is no way to live! Christ did not die for our freedom so we could survive in bondage.
So, back to my story. I decide to go up fairly quickly and just quietly asked God to speak through this woman anointing me. I also asked that I would be able to know without a doubt that this was from Him and of Him. (He knows he has to practically hit upside the head with whatever He is saying to me!) What happened? He showed up. Big time.
I made my way through the fairly short line, and I was soon next up. I walked up to the lady and gave her my name. She annointed me with oil and whispered something in my ear that drew me to tears for at least 45 minutes.
She said, “Hope. I pray God fills you to the brim with hope so that you will be able to turn around and give hope to others.” (Or something like that. I was a little shocked at the moment.)
Shocked because it hit very close to home. I had been struggling with fear of missing my purpose in my Christian lifespan and losing out on experiencing what it is like to truly live in blind faith obedience to God. I was afraid I would never know how to do this and didn’t see it possible. However, things happened that I never would have anticipated. My recent career choice was blessed and acknowledged. I felt the relief of finally living within His will for my life. The message was clear. Use my spiritual gift of encouragement to spread hope to others in situations I need to continue to develop empathy for others. Teaching is another spiritual gift that I shoved in th back of my mind for years. Now, it is time to perfect this gift and share hope with students that may not hear it anywhere else. If I can help kids get to their next level of themselves through encouragement and good emotional intelligence, what job or task could be greater than that? I am new at this. But I am thrilled about it. ❤️